Are almost as evil as my pure unadulterated love for chocolate. Aero bubbles in milk, mint and orange chocolate. Ugh. Is it Friday yet???
On another note, I am one week out of weight loss class. I'm still holding strong. Midnight walks are regularily disrupted by teens freshly on summer break, enjoying the freedom and summer nights. I'm pretty sure they were mocking me at one point, but I chose to tune them out, and stick to my routine. They'll understand in a decade.
Wednesday, July 4, 2012
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Don't forget the pain
Tonight was the last night of weight loss class and I'm sitting here reflecting on what I've learned, what I've achieved, and how to motivate myself to stay on track.
In 12 weeks I have lost almost 17 lbs. and 7 inches from my waist. This despite being basically immobile and unable to exercise for the first 8 weeks due to broken tailbone. I'm very proud of this accomplishment, yet acutely aware of how easily I can lapse, relapse, and collapse (terms learned in class tonight).
My biggest motivation to stay with this is my sports. Oh my sports. I still go to the diamond to escape the house and see my friends. It's torture watching everyone play. The funny thing is that if I were being stupid, I could play ball right now, but the chance of me getting severely injured would be about 80%, and that is just too high for me. That, and I'm pretty sure my Dr. would dismiss me as a patient if I came in with another sports injury. I do plan to hang around the diamond more often to remind me what I'm working for. Same goes for the hockey rink. My coach last year asked me to come back and assist and I totally plan to do that. Once the new year rolls around I might just try and skate again, although to be completely honest, the thought of being on the ice currently sends me into a mild panic attack/severe anxiety mode. I think about skating and I seriously get a pseudo-somatic pain in my arse, on top of the very real aching sensation I suspect I will live with for many years.
Which leads me to my newest mantra. "Don't forget the pain". It's kind of torture, but I want to vividly remember that pain and use that as motivation to get strong, fit and healthy. Fuck skinny btw. I have zero interest in becoming a skinny chick. I want to be able to throw my weight around on the rink still, and I've spent a lifetime watching how skinny chicks are treated, and frankly I want no part of it. Whew. That was a good rant. Lol.
So my mission is to try to let the fear of pain go, while not forgetting how damn much it hurt, (and how much I miss my sports). Hopefully I can keep myself on the right track this time.
In 12 weeks I have lost almost 17 lbs. and 7 inches from my waist. This despite being basically immobile and unable to exercise for the first 8 weeks due to broken tailbone. I'm very proud of this accomplishment, yet acutely aware of how easily I can lapse, relapse, and collapse (terms learned in class tonight).
My biggest motivation to stay with this is my sports. Oh my sports. I still go to the diamond to escape the house and see my friends. It's torture watching everyone play. The funny thing is that if I were being stupid, I could play ball right now, but the chance of me getting severely injured would be about 80%, and that is just too high for me. That, and I'm pretty sure my Dr. would dismiss me as a patient if I came in with another sports injury. I do plan to hang around the diamond more often to remind me what I'm working for. Same goes for the hockey rink. My coach last year asked me to come back and assist and I totally plan to do that. Once the new year rolls around I might just try and skate again, although to be completely honest, the thought of being on the ice currently sends me into a mild panic attack/severe anxiety mode. I think about skating and I seriously get a pseudo-somatic pain in my arse, on top of the very real aching sensation I suspect I will live with for many years.
Which leads me to my newest mantra. "Don't forget the pain". It's kind of torture, but I want to vividly remember that pain and use that as motivation to get strong, fit and healthy. Fuck skinny btw. I have zero interest in becoming a skinny chick. I want to be able to throw my weight around on the rink still, and I've spent a lifetime watching how skinny chicks are treated, and frankly I want no part of it. Whew. That was a good rant. Lol.
So my mission is to try to let the fear of pain go, while not forgetting how damn much it hurt, (and how much I miss my sports). Hopefully I can keep myself on the right track this time.
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
She can run again!!!!!
So today I ate more veggies than I think I ever have in one day. I had a salad for lunch, and then we had a chef come in and do a healthy cooking demo for weight loss class tonight and I had a cauliflower salad, and then a fruit and chicken salad. Fruit, granola and yogurt parfait for dessert. When I got home I had 2 slices of whole wheat French toast w/ sliced strawberries. I had so much energy at 11 pm that I decided to, wait for it, EXERCISE!!!!!!
Not just exercise, mind you, I set out to try and run. An old friend of mine on Facebook has achieved my (and her) goal, she has lost 100 lbs over 2 years. and she looks incredible. She has also taken to running. This is a girl who lived in the music room, always singing, dancing or pulling pranks. I was frankly shocked to hear she was running, and had that, if she can do this, so can I moment. So I went for it. I briskly walked the first km, and then ran, (ok I'm using that term loosely)for the last km.
I'd like to describe my speed as "a snail's pace"but I've seen those little fuckers move, and they can go fast when threatened with a salt shaker. In reality I just made sure I put one foot in front of the other. It was 10 weeks ago tonight that I broke my tailbone, and that i was able to jog even slightly was super impressive. I really wasn't sure how it would go. I tried a couple weeks ago to run to my car in the rain and it was a very bad plan. seems like the acupuncture is working.
I'm a big fan of this running at night concept. A 250 lb woman running is never a pretty sight, so best I do it in the cover of night. Ah poetry. Funny part was that some guy in a raised up black pickup blasted his horn a couple times and yelled "ya girl" out the window at me. Better than pointing and laughing I suppose.
Not just exercise, mind you, I set out to try and run. An old friend of mine on Facebook has achieved my (and her) goal, she has lost 100 lbs over 2 years. and she looks incredible. She has also taken to running. This is a girl who lived in the music room, always singing, dancing or pulling pranks. I was frankly shocked to hear she was running, and had that, if she can do this, so can I moment. So I went for it. I briskly walked the first km, and then ran, (ok I'm using that term loosely)for the last km.
I'd like to describe my speed as "a snail's pace"but I've seen those little fuckers move, and they can go fast when threatened with a salt shaker. In reality I just made sure I put one foot in front of the other. It was 10 weeks ago tonight that I broke my tailbone, and that i was able to jog even slightly was super impressive. I really wasn't sure how it would go. I tried a couple weeks ago to run to my car in the rain and it was a very bad plan. seems like the acupuncture is working.
I'm a big fan of this running at night concept. A 250 lb woman running is never a pretty sight, so best I do it in the cover of night. Ah poetry. Funny part was that some guy in a raised up black pickup blasted his horn a couple times and yelled "ya girl" out the window at me. Better than pointing and laughing I suppose.
Sunday, June 17, 2012
Birthday weekend
It was DH's 30th birthday this weekend. I mostly put fat Friday off until Saturday, as I wanted to save my cheat for the Mandarin buffet, but I felt cheated that it was Friday, and that I had to be good, so I let myself cheat and have a hot dog.
Mandarin was sooo good, and I was much better behaved than I would have been, very cognizant of the reaction the hot dog caused in stomach the night before.
So trying to behave, I started with a veggie round, worst of which was cauliflower with cheese ( I know, I'm freaking terrible!). I quickly abandoned all heathy thoughts and moved onto a thin slice of prime rib and a scoop of mashed potatoes, then a Chinese food plate, including chicken balls! It was the dessert table that put me over the top. I figure that must have been a 2000 calorie meal with at least 100g of carbs rand likely 3000+ mg of sodium. top that off with a couple of late night cupcakes and I hit a weeks worth of sugar in a night.
I felt empowered knowing what my options were, but I think the only way to enjoy a buffet is to put it all out of your mind and start fresh the next day.
My stomach days to pay attention next time, or avoid buffets!
Mandarin was sooo good, and I was much better behaved than I would have been, very cognizant of the reaction the hot dog caused in stomach the night before.
So trying to behave, I started with a veggie round, worst of which was cauliflower with cheese ( I know, I'm freaking terrible!). I quickly abandoned all heathy thoughts and moved onto a thin slice of prime rib and a scoop of mashed potatoes, then a Chinese food plate, including chicken balls! It was the dessert table that put me over the top. I figure that must have been a 2000 calorie meal with at least 100g of carbs rand likely 3000+ mg of sodium. top that off with a couple of late night cupcakes and I hit a weeks worth of sugar in a night.
I felt empowered knowing what my options were, but I think the only way to enjoy a buffet is to put it all out of your mind and start fresh the next day.
My stomach days to pay attention next time, or avoid buffets!
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
CBT & 14 lbs
We learned about cognitive behavioural therapy in weight loss class tonight. I should say that they learned, and I refreshed my memory. At first I let myself be transported right back to 2 years ago in my brain, and I got upset again about how I let things fall apart. Then I cbt'd myself and rationalized that I'm here now, and I'm not going to make that mistake again for reasons a, b, c. The only issue with CBT is that you have to believe the rational thought, and trust yourself to follow through. So what happens when you have proven that you are capable of lying to yourself? When it comes to food, I just can't trust me!
In better, more positive thinking news, I am down another 2 lbs. holding steady at 2 lbs lost per week. 14 gone, 86 to go. After that I only have to worry about not getting fat again the rest of my life. Now to CBT myself out of that thought.
In better, more positive thinking news, I am down another 2 lbs. holding steady at 2 lbs lost per week. 14 gone, 86 to go. After that I only have to worry about not getting fat again the rest of my life. Now to CBT myself out of that thought.
Friday, June 8, 2012
Here's the thing about CANADA.
The winters are so slow, and long, and most people huddle indoor and follow their natural instinct to fatten up for winter.
Now in summer, as it is so short, and so treasured, we literally run ourselves off our feet for 4 months of the year. We cook outside on the grill, farmer markets with local fruit and veg are everywhere. It's so much easier to lose weight in the summer.
Of course due to my anxious mind frame, I'm already worrying myself about how I will continue to stay on the right path, all fall and winter long.
Any readers have any suggestions?
Now in summer, as it is so short, and so treasured, we literally run ourselves off our feet for 4 months of the year. We cook outside on the grill, farmer markets with local fruit and veg are everywhere. It's so much easier to lose weight in the summer.
Of course due to my anxious mind frame, I'm already worrying myself about how I will continue to stay on the right path, all fall and winter long.
Any readers have any suggestions?
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Agghhhhh
So hard to get in the habit of blogging regularly. 8th week of weight loss class and I'm not to thrilled. Only lost one pound over two weeks. Apparently I need to eat way more veggies, way less fruit. But fruit is so much yummier and satisfying. Boo-urns! Also struggling with this meal planning concept. I eat so much based on how I feel or how my day went, or what is on sale that planning my meals even a week in advance seems foreign to me, and like something I cannot (or perhaps just will not try) to accomplish.
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