Don't forget the pain

Tonight was the last night of weight loss class and I'm sitting here reflecting on what I've learned, what I've achieved, and how to motivate myself to stay on track.

In 12 weeks I have lost almost 17 lbs. and 7 inches from my waist. This despite being basically immobile and unable to exercise for the first 8 weeks due to broken tailbone. I'm very proud of this accomplishment, yet acutely aware of how easily I can lapse, relapse, and collapse (terms learned in class tonight).

My biggest motivation to stay with this is my sports. Oh my sports. I still go to the diamond to escape the house and see my friends. It's torture watching everyone play. The funny thing is that if I were being stupid, I could play ball right now, but the chance of me getting severely injured would be about 80%, and that is just too high for me. That, and I'm pretty sure my Dr. would dismiss me as a patient if I came in with another sports injury. I do plan to hang around the diamond more often to remind me what I'm working for. Same goes for the hockey rink. My coach last year asked me to come back and assist and I totally plan to do that. Once the new year rolls around I might just try and skate again, although to be completely honest, the thought of being on the ice currently sends me into a mild panic attack/severe anxiety mode. I think about skating and I seriously get a pseudo-somatic pain in my arse, on top of the very real aching sensation I suspect I will live with for many years.

Which leads me to my newest mantra. "Don't forget the pain". It's kind of torture, but I want to vividly remember that pain and use that as motivation to get strong, fit and healthy. Fuck skinny btw. I have zero interest in becoming a skinny chick. I want to be able to throw my weight around on the rink still, and I've spent a lifetime watching how skinny chicks are treated, and frankly I want no part of it. Whew. That was a good rant. Lol.

So my mission is to try to let the fear of pain go, while not forgetting how damn much it hurt, (and how much I miss my sports). Hopefully I can keep myself on the right track this time.